Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
