I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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