Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
