My friends, they love my intelligence
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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