I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
