your room smells of hookers.
And success
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
