So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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