how can u be prego again
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
