my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
