he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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