Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
