So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
