When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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