I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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