My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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