had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
