I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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