I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just tell him i said nine months
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
