Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
