Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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