alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
