So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My liver just had a heart attack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
