are you so shy because you have an std?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
