you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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