I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my liver is dry heaving
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
