i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
