dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
