i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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