i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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