i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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