i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
