I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
