The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
