I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
