I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
