just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
