i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
