if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
