Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
