the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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