Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
