My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
