she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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