Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
