I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
