I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
