My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
