im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
