Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then he tried to convert me to islam
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
