My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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