Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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