barbara walters just said penis...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
