Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
