i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
