You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
