So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
