so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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