That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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