Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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