Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
