he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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