Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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