I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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