dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
