what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
vagina is talking i cant
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
