dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I AM VODKA MAN
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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